Its that time again...

I couldnt imagine if someone if giving you a notice of "we cant be together" like a notice period.. If you dont feel it anymore, why stay or why hold it.. i wish i can let go of it.. i just wish cause i cant seem to get it anymore... for this time i lost hope of loving anyone anymore.. i know im strong and able to move on but depression its not to joke around cause no matter how strong that person is they going to fail..
Im having it since last time then its gone but now it happen again... Im not sure how to handle this... 

This is the only place i could think..

To anyone out there who read this or follow me....

I'm in relationship right now.. basically back in love again where I thought it would never happen to me again but it did... Her nick name is Berry but she doesnt like to be call that name anymore. But yea, I'm in love with her.. She is another me but a better than i am. Anyways, I'm with her now... But I'm still having this feeling which I dont feel uneasy and sometimes unhappy... Its really bother me but maybe im over thinking... She kinda knew it but i keep deny it...

It came to a point that, im back to my old self which keep everything to myself..... I'm not sure if i could bear another heart broken like before.. I may survive the previous one and it took a long one to move on... but again.. i wanted to tell her about this but i feel this is not a need ...

Sometimes it make worry when she said going to deep fishing cause her ex is going to be there also and she said that there's nothing between both of them and yea i should believe it cause there really nothing... but when a guy have that feeling, its either that guy going to a control freak and not letting her to go.. or the guy rather not control her and hope that nothing is happening eventhought there's non but yet the heart or the feeling is still not feeling good about it.. But what can a guy do since  he doesnt wanted to control her and trust her so much...  im not sure what the hell im talking about but all i know that im having this uneasy feeling... im not sure what should i do..

Should i pretend everything is going to be alright...

Should i asked or told her about it...

i seriously dont know what to do anymore....

The only place i could let go of anything....

I think this where i could let go of anything that been in my mind, my soul and my heart... Lately i've been thinking too much on what I cant have... I've been in a relationship but I guess I'm not yet ready to move on... I'm scare im going to do the same mistake that cause someone that love me so much to disappear in my life... I could regret only now...


Actually I'm feeling depress for all this time... Sometimes i wish i could make this gone and never have this feeling but its stay. I keep pretending that everything is going to be fine and lie to everyone that im fine where im not... how can i last this long?? someone out there please let me know how can i deal with this matter.... 

I Never knew....

I never knew that  you are are important in my life...

i never knew that losing you is the worst thing that could happen in my life...

i never knew that without you, i dont know anything about real love.

i never knew it would happen like this...

ALL I KNEW IS LOVING YOU... HOW CAN I MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE ....

Every time i just wish everything could go back to normal like where we were are still together... and every time i meet you i have to pretend that everything is fine just so you wont ignore me if i over do it..

I JUST CANT ABLE TO SAY IM READY TO LOSE YOU.... im sorry... you still the girl that i love since the 1st day i met you with your short hair and wearing beach attire were you sitting down with 2 of your friend...



ALL i know now is to be strong even i have to fake it...
Now i know how its feel to lose someone that you really love.. i thought i have heart broken before but its not like this... every time i see you my heart hurt bit by bit, little by little... this is how i feel.....


i never knew ...................................................................... this would happen.............

Suprise.... Dinner!!!

Hi darl...

I hope you love what i have done for you... i know its not that grand... but at least its like the movie a bit... Its awesome that i able to do this with you.. its my first time doing this and my friends help me.. im not asking anything in return just that want you to know i will try to get back what i lost before that is trust... i know that every human being will say why you sill want to go out with me... or why should you be with me again... if me i would do the same thing and give this advise to you but i am wrong in this..

i know that you're confused but its okie... take your time... go out.. have fun ... find your path...
even i need to find my path.. i need to make sure everything is alright and i able to take care myself then i would be able to take care of you...

i miss you~~~

Hi darl..

I just wanted you to know i miss us.. 
I miss You so much...  

 i dont why we end up like this.... THe biggest part is I who do all the mistakes... but i need you fight for me .. just believe me i can change... i really do but words are just words... it just i wont able to show you that i've change.. but i guess it wont be happening.. i still cant believe we arent longer together... i still believe im still with you... but i just realize its all just my imagination.. istill cant face the reality.. everytime the phone rang or i get message.. im hoping for you to msg me.. but its not.. i wish i can ask this question to you ... Do You Miss ME? if you do why dont you call me or text me... i dont want to be one who is going to miss you... all i wanted is you fight for me and say you miss me...

I love this place
But it's haunted without you
My tired heart
Is beating so slow
Our hearts sing less
Than we wanted
We wanted
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know
We do not know

To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said
I always know

You can catch me
Don't you run
Don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay

To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said
I always know

Please don't make a fuss
It won't go away
The wonder of it all
The wonder that I made
I am here to stay

I am here to stay

Stay

Its for you.. DMYE

its been awhile i blog...

im writing this blog maybe as my last one... its whether you read or not im still going to read not...

Just want to say im glad that its happen between us.. the 1st time i saw you ... its made my heart go boom boom pow... but then when we get to know each other ... the stories goes just perfect till i ruin it... im so sorry i hurt you... n i know sorry cant fix anything that i've done... you have give me more than 1 chances.. but yet i still hurt you... i dont hope for another chance cause i know deep down inside of you.. you will never forgive me.. you are not to be blame at all.. its me that should be blame on... i ruin everything that what in front of me.. i wish i had another chance with you... i'll make it up.. if only theres one last chance.. i dont know how i can live without you here.. everyday i keep putting a fake smile on my smile and pretend everything is okie.. but in the end im just lying n hurting myself ... sometimes i feel like putting my life to end .. and sometimes i go crazy thinking about it... when i cant thinking straight i'll punch the wall to release tension..

im not sure whether you'll read this blog .. i just wanna say that i never felt like this before and i dont think i cant let go of you... i will always remember you and will always love you .... Darl... n no matter what happen i will always be there for you if you needed me.. thanks darl for loving me ...